Force and physical abuse is not your husband's rightful place or authority in the home. Leadership and direction are his rightful place.

Bible Studies for Women

Physical Abuse in Marriage

God never commands a woman to stay in situations where she or her child are physically in danger. Women often feel the abuse is worth the sacrifice in order to have the companionship of their husbands. Some feel they are trapped because God hates divorce. Others feel that submission to their husbands mean submission to physical abuse.

Force and beatings are not God's way and God has not called you to submit to that. That is NOT your husband's rightful place or authority in the home. Leadership and direction ARE his rightful place and you are to submit to those even if you feel his leadership and direction are not as they should be.

If your husband physically abuses you, I suggest you let him know ahead of time that you will not tolerate physical abuse, will not remain together with him should it occur again, and will insist he show you proof of help and that you go to counseling together before you allow him to come back to you. This approach is not unreasonable or unscriptural.

Take the "upper" rather than the "lower" hand in determining how this will be handled. If you've promised him never to phone the police or to let anyone know of the abuse, it is time for you to let him know (before it happens again) that should he choose to violate you in this way again, you will get help. He needs to know that you will insist that he leaves if the abuse reoccurs, and he will not be allowed back until he has gotten help for HIS problem. He also needs to know that if he puts you in a position of imminent danger, you WILL call the police if necessary for immediate help.

Submission is not meekness or timidity. It is deliberately choosing to subject ourselves to another with respect for ourselves as children of God. When your husband is living with you as a husband, you are to submit to him as a wife, not as a helpless child. If he physically abuses you he has overstepped the bounds of what God has called you to submit to.

Let your husband know that you will submit to his authority in leading the home freely and willingly. Give him the power he wants and deserves (on the authority of God's Word) as the leader of your home. But let him know at the same time that you will not submit to him by force; that your love and submission is on a much higher plane than to submit to physical abuse, and that if he tries to force it by beating it will result in separation.

Be prepared to carry though. Idle threats only reinforce his grip of force over you. Let him know you mean business and act accordingly.

If you have children, remember that you are the only protection thy have. They are not benefitted in a home where their mother allows their father to physically abuse her. To willingly submit to your husband's leadership or direction is God's plan. To be physically brutalized by force is not.

It takes courage and commitment to God to remove yourself and your family from a situation where you are in physical danger. But with God's help you can do it.

"I can do everything through him who gives me strength" (Philippians 4:13 NIV).

Continue to pray for your husband and trust God to deal with the situation while you are in a place of safety.

God's word does not directly address the matter of physical abuse in marriage. But nowhere does God's Word indicate that a woman is to subject herself or her children to it.

I offer the picture of the virtuous woman that God has shown us in Proverbs 31. She honors her husband but she is not a doormat. I can imagine her submitting to her husband's authority of leadership and direction in her home. But I cannot imagine her submitting herself or her children to physical abuse.

A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies.
Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value.
She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life.
She selects wool and flax and works with eager hands.
She is like the merchant ships, bringing her food from afar.
She gets up while it is still dark; she provides food for her family and portions for her servant girls.
She considers a field and buys it; out of her earnings she plants a vineyard.
She sets about her work vigorously; her arms are strong for her tasks.
She sees that her trading is profitable, and her lamp does not go out at night.
In her hand she holds the distaff and grasps the spindle with her fingers.
She opens her arms to the poor and extends her hands to the needy.
When it snows, she has no fear for her household; for all of them are clothed in scarlet.
She makes coverings for her bed; she is clothed in fine linen and purple.
Her husband is respected at the city gate, where he takes his seat among the elders of the land.
She makes linen garments and sells them, and supplies the merchants with sashes.
She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come.
She speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue.
She watches over the affairs of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness.
Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her:
"Many women do noble things, but you surpass them all."
Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.
Give her the reward she has earned, and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.

Proverbs 31:10 through Proverbs 31:31 (NIV)

For help in Domestic Violence situations, see Millennium.