Women finding Hope in a House Divided But as for me, I will always have hope; I will praise you more and more. (Psalm 71:14 NIV)

The Problem The Purpose The Plan The Process My Separation

The Present Our Promise, Our Prize, & Our Prayer Online Bible Studies Sign Up Invite a Friend

The Problem

Houses can be divided in many ways. Husbands and wives may be:

• Separated emotionally, or physically, though still living together
• Separated spiritually: a Christian living with an unbelieving spouse
• Separated by their degree of commitment to Christ though both are Christians
• Separated by living apart with or without legal separation
• Separated by permanent divorce
• Separated by death

In each case the division affects not only husband and wife, but children, grandchildren, nieces, nephews, parents, siblings, in-laws, and other family members.

Most all homes experience minor divisions at times. But in some cases the divisions are more severe or chronic.

The Purpose

If you are a woman living in a house divided by one of the situations above, you are invited to come grow with me and other women who are experiencing similar circumstances.

I've lived through some of the more chronic divisions, and have struggled with being the wife, mother, and family member God called me to be. I have to admit that some of the failures in my home were caused by my own failures.

But I have found that even when the failures were caused by others in my home, I am still responsible for being what God wants me to be in each circumstance. I have also found that God not only holds me accountable to live by Christian principles as laid forth in His Word, but that he enables me to do it when I look to him.

Hope in a House Divided provides support for women who are desiring to live by God's principles in homes divided by emotional or physical detachment, an unbelieving or uncommitted husband, separation, or divorce.

The concept for Hope in a House Divided has grown out of need. I am continually coming across women on the net who need the support and fellowship of women in like circumstances; women who are searching desparately for help to hang onto the threads of their marriage; women who are hurting and have no one to understand.

The Plan

We provide a private informal email discussion group where women who are experiencing these divisions can share needs, prayers, and fellowship, and support each other to grow and be comforted via email.

Bible studies that I have written through my own struggles are available online. Several people have expressed an interest in weekly Bible studies in the House of Hope discussion group. From time to time our Leadership provides Bible Studies in the email group.

House of Hope is not just for Christians. Any woman who wishes to join our group, realizing she will get Christian input, may do so.

You can join Hope in a House Divided discussion group here:

The Process
(My Journey of Change)

I was an uncommitted Christian and my husband was not a Christian when we first married in March of 1967. Six years into the marriage, I recommitted my life to Christ and my husband made a profession of faith as well. However my husband struggled with commitment through the years.

After my re-commitment to Christ, God never allowed me to concentrate on my husband's weakness in the marriage, but rather my own. Always when I ask God for answers, he answers me with another question: How does God want to change me so that I will be what he has called me to be in these circumstances?

I never liked that idea too much. I always thought it would be best to change my husband, but God wouldn't hear of it. He always said I was the one who needed changing.

Wow, what a change he is making! I had no concept when we first started this journey of change of how wonderful the changes would be for me. I thought I was just submitting to God's changes so my marriage would be better. But that was not the case at all. I've discovered that God is changing me so that I will be better.

He is giving me the security of being at peace, happy, and excited about life in all circumstances. There are still down times. There is still pain and grief. There is still failure in my life at times. But I'm learning to relax even in those times, knowing that God is leading me through yet another chapter I must learn.

My Separation

In 1999 there were new developments in my marriage that made our remaining together in any type of mutual relationship almost impossible. My husband moved out in November of 1999. I experienced all the emotions of shock, resentment, anger, forgiveness, numbness, intense emotional pain, inability to think, sorrow for him, fear for me, loneliness, and anxiety of indecision.

But I also experienced the undergirding stability of peace, knowing that God would see me through even this. On Christmas Eve, I was able to write the following to a friend:

I have found that our God is able to see us through the most traumatic experiences in life, and not only see us through but give us hope and joy and peace in all the pain and hurt we experience.

Though this Christmas will be difficult because of the loss, yet it will in many ways be more meaningful to me than any previous Christmas because of having had God so near me through the most traumatic experience I've ever had.

It was very hard to have my marriage ripped away from me. But from the beginning God gave me assurance. That assurance was not, however, that my marriage would be reunited. What God showed me was that he would meet my need and use this terrible situation for good as I looked to him. That I could trust him to deal with my husband in response to my prayers. That I could trust him to work in my own heart as I looked to him. That I could love my husband and do all I could to help them find his way. But that even if my marriage was never put back together, I could still trust whatever God brought forth in my life. That God would still bless my home because of my faith and trust in him.

The Present (Updated August, 2003)

I sometimes look back and think how an ideal Christian home would have been wonderful. Yet I have had an opportunity to show my children things they could not have learned any other way. They had a living object lesson of what is is like to live for God and be obedient to authority when things are tough. They saw the failure of my humanity at times. But they also saw the sincerity of my desire to please God, and the peace that God placed in my heart as I looked to him.

My husband and I remain separated. Sometimes when I see other couples caring for one another, I am reminded of my loss. But then I remember what wonderful things I have found! I bow my knee in thanksgiving that my God knows what is best for me and I don't have to understand or figure it all out. He does all things well.

He has been with me in need and he has stood by me and given me hope and blessing beyond anything I could ask. He always gives me the assurance that he plans wonderful things for me even in hardship, and he kindles a constant excitement in my heart about my future with him.

Our Promise, Our Prize, & Our Prayer

Online Bible Studies for Women

Click here to read Bible Studies for Women that I've written as I've gone through some of my own struggles. This will open a new browser window.

Recommended Reading

	When He Doesn't Believe Help and Encouragement for Women Who Feel Alone in Their Faith, by Nancy Kennedy. This book was released September 18, 2001, and lists our "Hope in a House Divided' website
	When He Leaves Soon after my husband moved out, I came across this book. It spoke so directly to my needs that I almost wondered if the authors secretly knew me. It offers hope and guidance for Christian women facing the trauma of separation or divorce. The authors, who have chosen not to use their real names, speak candidly of the pain that only we who have been there can understand.

More Christian Books

More Helpful Links

Women's Journey of Joy Christian Women Today Today's Christian Woman